surprise surprise.

so the vikings actually won the game against the lions and surprised me. douglas stayed the night last night and we talked about the game briefly before he left, he said, "i bet the vikings will piss me off like they have been doing the past games." and i said, "but our defense is pretty good. they win the game for us a lot of the time." then douglas said, "yeah and just as long as our qb don't get sacked like he always does." then i said, "well- it's not ALL his fault. our offensive line has to block for him, so he doesn't get sacked." then douglas said, "yeah.. you can't really throw the ball if you're not covered." so- i'm pretty sure our offensive line worked on themselves.
i was thinking and one of the MAIN reasons i want to move to another state and get far away from here is because of my damn family. it's like they don't wanna see anyone who ISN'T THEM move and be actually happy because they came from the same place and they think it'll make them look inadequate- like they're not doing enough. i have wanted to MOVE to the east coast ever since i was FIFTEEN. my sister and my mom will NEVER do as much for themselves as I have done. when i got a TBI- i didn't just throw my goals away and just accomodate people who never really have supported what I want for my life. learn empathy and how to put yourself in OTHER people's shoes. when i was on my trip, i was talking about how i wanted to move to boston and brittany (the travel pca) asked me, "so what does your mom think about you moving here?" then i said, "it's not her decision. she used to leave me at her place when i was in a wheelchair and go to the bar on the weekends i went to her house. PLUS- when i was younger, she held me in front of her while my dad was kicking her, so i got kicked instead. i've had to have at least TWO surgeries in my life because of that. and most of my family has knowledge of this and just condones it. except my cousin joe." i know i didn't want to even think about her or the rest of my unsupportive family but i guess i felt like i needed to explain exactly why i wanna move, so whenever i would start to complain about my mom, brittany said, "let's not talk about her anymore as long as we're here, just from what you told me about her- she doesn't seem like a very nice person." so that was helpful to have someone actually acknowledged my reasons for wanting to move and agreeing with it. my mom has never acknowledged this abuse in my whole life and i'm pretty sure it's because she actually feels ashamed of herself and is afraid of what i'll say to her- which i can guarantee isn't gonna be very nice. so until she wants to work on herself and actually take accountability for this shit, and APOLOGIZE to me for it- i have absolutely NO desire to speak or interact with her. i was trying to think of the reasons why she chose to be such a shitty parent to my brother and i and all i can come up with is she's spiteful towards our father and is trying to get back at him through us- since we share the same dads (which is different from my sister's dad and she has ALWAYS favored my sister). a parent should be happy and supportive of their children but my mom has just made jealous remarks about how my apartment was better than hers when i lived in burnsville and she actually came to pick me up to go to her house every other week because my grandma forced her to (my grandma was forced to actually come into town when she learned about my mom leaving me alone to go to the bar). i absolutely DON'T want to return to her place because i don't find anything in common with her and all she does is COMPLAIN and i'm trying to get rid of negativity in my life. she doesn't do anything for me anymore anyway but attempt to DRAG me down to her level and amanda unsupportingly condones this because she assumes it'll make her life easier- which couldn't be further from the truth.